Cyberstalkers - Kid Safety

The online cyberstalker 

Online trouble with cyberstalkers is often one of the hardest things for parents to come to grips with.  The mistake comes first in an unwillingness to consider that their child could be in danger, and the fact that the subject tends to be taboo and therefore, rarely talked about between parents, let alone talking with the kids about the risks.  

But if you have kids, the people that are most important to you are potentially at risk with a computer that is open to the Internet.  The risk is real, and just because your child or teen is on the computer and in your home, doesn't mean that everything is okay.  

Cyberstalkers are essentially pedophiles with computers, and they know how to use them.  One of their very favorite hangouts is in AOL chat rooms for teens where they watch conversations, look at profiles that the kids set up, and then attempt to engage the kid in a private chat, acting and writing like another teen.  

However, AOL chat rooms aren't the only place that kids can get into trouble.  Most kids fill their online chat directories with names of friends.  But most kids also share names with each other and make introductions.  When this happens, children tend to trust whomever they are introduced to by one of their friends.  

This is a fact that is not lost on cyberstalkers.  Even though they might be questioned by one kid, if they can get that person to introduce them to someone else, chances are they will run into little resistance.  "After all," reasons the child, "this is a friend of my friend and I trust my friend."

The goal of the cyberstalker is of course is to make friends, gain the child's trust, get private information, and maybe even phone or meet the child.  

Other online dangers

While cyberstalkers are the most feared, other people online can also pose risks.  When someone is on the other end of an Internet connection, they can literally be anyone they want.  According to Forrester Research, 98% of regular online chatters have told someone a lie about who they really are or about themselves in order to trick someone else.

It might be as simple as claiming to be older to impress someone.  Or it could be someone pretending to be desperately in trouble and needing financial help and food for their starving baby, "So could you please let me have your dad's credit card number and I promise I will only buy one can of baby formula just once.  He will probably never even know."

Unintended information

Often the child doesn't even plan to meet their online friend, but they give away enough information that they can be found.  

In one such incident, a 14 year old girl told her online buddy what town she lived in (but no address) and that she played shortstop for her girl's softball team.  Later, she bragged that her team had beaten the Titans.  

Her online "buddy" (who had claimed he lived on the other side of the country) merely started calling schools and inquired about this game to determine what school it was, and then showed up at the field to determine who the shortstop was and meet her.  Fortunately, he tipped his hand early and the man was apprehended.  

People tend to be more trusting than they should be, and it is terribly easy to give up information that you don't intend to.

Good kids in trouble

Ironically, the cyberstalker's best friend is the unaware parent who will invest loads of energy into providing well for their child who does not normally get into trouble.  

Because Johnny is a good kid and doesn't look for trouble, the false assumption is that trouble won't look for him, and that if it did, Johnny would immediately recognize it and call parents in for help.  

While Johnny doesn't look for trouble, he might not realize it until he's already in knee deep.  Cyberstalkers often send horrific pictures, and then kids are too scared or embarrassed to seek help.  

Keeping kids safe

The first thing that parents need to do to keep their kids safe is get over the idea that their kids deserve and should get online privacy and absolute freedom on the computer.  If you wouldn't let your kids go behind a building and talk to some unknown stranger, then don't let them do it online.  "Privacy" is the best thing a cyberstalker has going for him.  

This doesn't change when they are teens.  In fact it has been shown that kids are actually far more wary of strangers and more prone to involve their parents when things get out of hand than teens are.  Teens often assume they have an innate sense to detect trouble, or that they are capable of handling themselves in any situation.  

Changing things on the computer and making new rules might not be easy.  Taking control over your computer might not be met with the best attitude, but then again, few restrictions are.

Everyone has to make their own decisions as to how much of this to employ, but here are ideas to help remove threats from your child's computer and take control.

1) Keep the computer they use out in the family room or other public area.  Temptations are far less to participate in trouble if parents are in the room.  

2) According to Forrester research, the number one category of warnings in instant messaging has to do with PARENTS.  And online, kids use acronyms to speak with each other.  Understand the lingo so that if you see it, you know what it means.  Here are the ones that have to do with parents:

3) Avoid chat software like AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger altogether if you can.  You might be surprised at how much this software actually infects your machine with other things anyway.  If it isn't downloaded, then they won't be using it.

However, this may not be practical for many families.  In that case, consider limiting the ability of the software to transfer files between people.  Such files can be buggy, have viruses, or install programs that you don't want on your computer anyway.  

4) Limit computer time - Kids can literally become computer addicts where all their friends and relationships are online.  By setting limits, you also tend to reduce the risk that kids will find trouble or trouble will find them.

Encourage relationships, family time, reading, and just plain playing.  It's better for them and few people manage to get into trouble playing board games with their family.

5) If you have chat software on your kids computer, periodically go through their Buddy List with them to establish who these people are.  Many kids literally have hundreds of buddies listed there.  Is this realistic that they would know this number of people well enough put them on a list and talk with them?

6) Invest in computer security software.  This is something you need anyway for establishing firewall protection and protection against viruses.  Most of this software has parent controls that can be set individually according to who is using the computer.

That way, the children can be very limited as to where they can go, teens can be set with higher privileges, but still limited in their access, and parents can have completely unhindered usage.